The Team
by GreekEMTSlytherinSpriteFairy
Summary: What happens when the whole team assists Hotch with the soccer team? Pure Chaos.


AN: This is what my messed up brain came up with while watching my nephews soccer practice the day after that wonderful episode! Yeah, I know right? I don't have anything better to do and nothing else to work on. *pauses* Well that's not true, I am working on Fie and Kyl, but they're being difficult. Anyway, now that I've lost you all, minus Cassie, sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I only own my brain!

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

He looked at the drawing of the soccer field that Dave had given him on the plane once again. Why had he agreed to this? Oh yeah. Jack. He sighed and stood up, heading for his door to ask, more like beg, Dave to be his assistant. He didn't know if he could do it without his best friend. A knock stopped him in his tracks.

"It's your favorite sexual harasser and goddess." Hotch chuckled at her.

"Come in, Garcia." The brightly colored woman pushed open the door and waved a file at him. Crap. Another case. "I know what you're thinking. It's a case, but I think we'll enjoy this one." Hotch raised a brow. Was the unsub killing unicorns and puppies? That couldn't be… Garcia wouldn't be happy or enjoy that. Reid would analyze the reality of unicorns to death and annoy the rest of them to drinking. "Just look at it, sir." Hotch took the file from her outstretched hand. Flipping it open, his jaw dropped open in shock.

"What's this?"

"Well I figured you'd need help coaching, so I compiled a list of the team's weaknesses and strengths, the stats on the opponents, and what each of our family members can do to help. Stick with Dave and JJ. They know a LOT about the sport." Hotch stared at her as she beamed. Of course she would do this. What else was Aunt Penny for?

"This is a children's league Garcia." She grinned.

"Oh I know. But think of Jack's hurt face when you didn't utilize all of your resources to better the team." Hotch glared. That was fighting dirty. The smirk on her face confirmed she knew it. Traitor.

"So what's your strength?" Garcia grinned.

"Me and boy Genius are the team's designated cheerleaders!" Hotch wanted to sigh out loud. Of course they were. "Or I could do background checks on all of the coaches."

"Which you've already done, so let me see it." Garcia flipped to the back of the file. He raised a brow. One had a DUI? Interesting… Hotch shook his head. Nope he wasn't going to fight dirty… yet. The other coach looked like a hard ass. Eh. He'd tip the cops off on him. That'll…

"It might interest you to know that this one," she poined to the DUI guy "is already on Fairfax County's perverts list." Hotch didn't know whether to kiss her or hit her. Of course she had to do something illegal.

"Garcia…" he said warningly. She grinned at him innocently.

"Hotch…" she said teasingly. He gave her a look and she sighed. "I didn't do it, but I wish I had. No, he really is on the sexual predator list, but not for a minor. Although…"

"No, Garcia. Nothing illegal." Hotch looked at the folder. "Or anything more illegal than you've already done." Garcia waved her hand.

"What good is having access to the FBI database if you can't use it?" Hotch gave her a look.

"The legal kind of good" he said. Garcia scoffed as Hotch left his office, heading towards Dave's. He continued flipping through the file as Garcia trailed after him. The others watched from the bullpen, curious as to what was going on.

"Dave," Hotch said, barging into the older man's office. Dave was making a face at his computer.

"You could knock like everyone else" Dave said.

"David Rossi, be nice!" the computer admonished. Hotch frowned and stepped around the desk to see Henry and JJ's faces. "Hey, Hotch, Garcia."

"Hello Cupcake, Cupcake Junior!" Hotch smiled and nodded at JJ and Henry.

"Is there a reason you're intruding in my office while I have my wife and son on web cam?" Hotch shrugged.

"I'm here to beg if I must" Dave turned to face Hotch, his eyebrows raised. "I need you to be the assistant coach." Dave waved his hand.

"Start begging" he said with a large grin. JJ huffed.

"I swear Hotch, I raised him better than this. David Rossi, you told me we were all helping." Dave shot her a look.

"I know, Jen, but it's not every day that Aaron Hotchner comes to beg me for my help." JJ snorted.

"Can't imagine why" she muttered. Dave glared at her while Hotch chuckled. "Look, just let the poor man go home to his son and figure out why he took this job when the rest of us show up at practice tonight." Dave sighed.

"Fine, we'll see you at your place at 6!"

"Practice starts at 5" Hotch, Garcia, and JJ said together.

"Yeah daddy!" Henry input. Dave shot him a look, albeit a softened one.

"Go away munchkin" he said softly. Henry stuck his tongue out at him and Dave laughed. "Fine, we'll see you at 5." Hotch nodded. He smiled at Henry and JJ.

"Good to see you, JJ."

"You too, Hotch. See you tonight." Hotch nodded at her once and left, still being trailed by Garcia. He frowned at her over his shoulder.

"Don't you have work to do?" Garcia waved her hand.

"Probably, but I figured we could talk strategy!" Hotch frowned at her. "What?"

"Garcia, go back to your lair, do some work, and when 4 o'clock rolls around only then can you come to me about soccer again. Deal?" Hotch heard someone mutter 'Burn!' from the bullpen, but he ignored them. Garcia pouted, but nodded. Hotch went back into his office and closed the door, leaning his back against it and flipping through the file. He had a team to put together.

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

Hotch stood on the soccer field in shock. No way. Each of the BAU members, and JJ, wore shirts that matched the kids' with their position on the back in glittery lettering. Garcia must have made them because that would be the only way you would find Morgan in anything glittery.

"Boss man! Finally!" Jack looked up at his dad.

"Are we late?" Hotch shook his head.

"Early, actually. You know Aunt Penny though" Hotch replied as he looked at his son. Jack nodded and raced ahead, kicking his soccer ball over to his friends and Henry.

"Here!" Garcia thrust a shirt at him. The back read 'Coach' in purple sparkly letters. Shoot him now. Dave stepped up to him with a grimace. His 'Assistant Coach' was written in purple. Apparently someone needed to take both of them out.

"I'd ask who got the worst deal with these things, but I think that title belongs to Reid." Dave pointed to where Reid stood, his face bright red. Dave motioned for him to turn around and he did. Hotch almost burst out laughing.

Almost.

"Oh no, poor Reid" Hotch muttered as he read Reid's back. 'Cheerleader' was written in an alternating pattern of pink and purple. Reid definitely won.

"Put them on!" Garcia squealed. Hotch and Dave exchanged glances, but they slid the shirts on. Hotch cleared his throat and turned to the kids, ignoring the rest of his 'family'.

"You guys ready to play soccer?" the cheers from the kids erased any doubt of questioning his sanity for taking this on and questioning the teams' sanity. They could do this.

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

"See Boss man? You didn't like those shirts at first, but they brought us good luck!" Garcia squealed as the team ate pizza and ice cream. They had come in first place in the final tournament, and neither the kids nor the coaches could have been happier.

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

AN: So cute? Funny? Really dumb? Let me know what you thought please! No flames!


End file.
